During the covid19 pandemic some things happened that got me thinking about courage. Let me tell you just a small part of my story.

Back in 2020, as the first lock down began and our church began to meet online, I stopped wearing a head covering at all ecclesial meetings. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. More one that had been coming for a long time. Through much prayerful study and consideration over probably a couple of years prior, I had come to believe the expectation to wear a head covering – which I’d grown up with and had always accepted – was wrong.

Further, at around the time the pandemic started to hit, I realised my conscience would no longer allow me to wear one. I had been finding it harder and harder to put a hat on each Sunday, and being online was the opportunity to quietly follow my conscience. During those first months, I kept my video off to avoid upsetting those who believed differently.

It was a first step towards finding my courage.

The Heart

So what is courage?

How do you get it?

Is it something you have or you don’t?

Can it be learnt? If so, how?

In an effort to answer these questions, I’ve made use of some excellent material from experts in this field. In particular, I am indebted to Brené Brown, a social scientist who has conducted decades of research with her team on the subject of courage. The work of her and others in this field gives us a much clearer picture of courage.

So, to start, let’s define courage.

When we look at the origin of the word, courage came from the Latin word ‘cor’, meaning ‘heart’ – and the original definition was to tell who you are with your whole heart. In the Bible, the word is also sometimes translated as ‘take heart’ as in the Psalms: *Be strong and take heart all you who hope in the Lord. (Ps 31:24).*I particularly like this definition: “Bravery (or courage) is not the absence of fear. It is feeling the fear, doubt and insecurity and deciding that something else is more important.”

That’s what it was like for me. It’s not easy. At times I have felt disappointment, heartache, frustration, and fear. But the tools I’ve learnt about work. And, while I haven’t always had the outcome I hoped for, I have grown, gaining strength and new insights that I never would have otherwise.

So I am going to share some of the tools and practices I have learnt, and apply them to some biblical examples to show how they work.

Learning Courage

First of all, let’s look at some of the tools that helped me learn courage. According to the research by Brené Brown, there are four components to building courage:

vulnerability,
know your (personal) values and live them,
build trust (in yourself as well as others), and
know how to reset after failure, disappointment, and setbacks.

⠀ Let’s briefly look at these four tools for courage.

Vulnerability. Vulnerability is the emotion we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. I talk more about vulnerability in a previous article. Briefly, being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness. It is allowing your true self to be seen by those who have earned that right. It is manifest in different ways, such as giving or receiving feedback; saying “I love you” first; apologising; and talking about a difficult or controversial subject. C.S Lewis says, “To love is to be vulnerable.”

Vulnerability reminds me of this passage in Ezekiel: I will give them one heart and I will put a new spirit within them; I will remove the hearts of stone from their bodies and I will give them tender hearts. (Eze 11:19) Tender, open hearts open the way to courage. Hard, armoured hearts get in the way of courage.

Values.The second component to building courage involves knowing your (personal) values and living them. I like this quote by Brené Brown to describe what values are: “A value is a way of being or believing that we hold most important. Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk - we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts and behaviours align with those beliefs.”

When we talk about values, we are not talking about general values such as ‘giving glory to God’, nor are we talking values about what others expect of us, or what we think we ought to value. This is very personal. What are my personal values? Brené Brown likes to narrow it down to two words to define your personal values. Her values, she says, are Faith and Courage.

I have narrowed my personal values down to Compassion and Equality. In practice, that means I try to show empathy and be non-judgmental. I hate abuse of power and so try to elevate the voices of those on the margins. I don’t always get it right, and often I mess up, but knowing which values matter to me personally, means I have something solid and clear to hold myself to and aim for. I have found this practice extremely useful.

Trust. The third component of courage involves trust. Trust is about building trust with other people, with yourself, and in God. It is doing what you say you’ll do; and knowing your limits, so you are able to say ‘no’ to the things you don’t have the capacity to do.

If then you haven’t been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will entrust you with the true riches? And if you haven’t been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you your own ? (Luk 16:11-12)

It’s also being kind to yourself. It is trusting in your ability to stretch yourself with new things, new learnings, new abilities. It’s building trust in each other, leaning on each other and supporting each other: Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal 6:2)

Of course, it’s also trust in God. Knowing he will help you find your wings and – while there are times you will still stumble and fumble – he will always be there to support and strengthen you: My blessing is on those people who trust in me, who put their confidence in me. They will be like a tree planted near a stream whose roots spread out toward the water. (Jer 17:7-8)

Reset. The fourth component of building courage is knowing how to reset after failure, disappointment, and setbacks. Reset is our capacity to try again when things go wrong, knowing by trying we may fail, many times. This quote from Brené Brown puts it well, I think: “If you choose courage you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” And in Micah: *Though I have fallen, I will rise. (Mic 7:8, NIV)

Not everyone will support us when we show courage. Fitting in and going along with the group-think or the status quo can seem easier than being authentic and finding true belonging. Sometimes this means we will face opposition and discouragement from others – as I did as my hatless stage began to be known.

Now that we have covered these tools – vulnerability, values, trust, and reset – we will apply them to my first Bible example of courage. Before I retell this story, I want to remind us how important the hospitality codes were – how it was utter anathema to treat a guest badly or turn them away. The social penalties were high, and someone who harmed a guest, or allowed harm to come to a guest, could be severely ostracised – or worse.

Jael

Her hands paused on the loom as she looked across the valley where she’d seen the flash of light. There it was again. She searched and spotted the man below, darting between the shadows towards her tent, the sun catching his armour.

She set her weaving aside and stood up. Her husband, Heber, was away on a trading mission, so she was on her own. She knew who this would be though – Sisera!

She had heard about the impending battle, and Deborah’s words to Barak. Her husband had made sure to absent himself, pitching his tents well away from the rest of Israel. After all, Heber couldn’t fight in a battle against someone he’d made peace with, especially when he had been estranged from many of his kin for years. She wished he would try to reconcile. She was lonely all the way up in this hill country, away from her family.

A thought started to form in her mind as she considered Deborah’s prophecy.

Stepping forward, she called out, “Over here. Turn to here. Don’t be afraid.”

The exhausted man stumbled towards her, his breathing fast from running.

She motioned him into the tent and lifted a linen curtain to show a small bed chamber and mat beyond.

“Water,” he gasped. “Thirsty.”

Jael walked over to the food stores, considered the water jar for a second, then pulled out a leather flask of milk, pouring him a long drink.

Could she alert the Israelite army he was here? she thought. Milk would help him sleep, as would his exhaustion, while she considered what to do.

She passed the drink to Sisera and watched as he gratefully gulped it down. Then she unfolded a blanket and laid it over him as he lay on his side.

“Keep watch at the entrance,” he said, “If anyone asks, I’m not here.”

She waited as he instructed, her mind in turmoil, and listened carefully as his breathing slowed and he started to quietly snore.

What to do? She didn’t know where the army was. If she left him, he might wake up while she wasn’t here. She was already going against hospitality codes and her husband’s wishes, too, just by considering betraying Sisera.

Glancing round, her eyes rested on the store of spare tent pegs and the hammer. Her mind balked. She couldn’t! Could she? And yet the prophecy said it would be a woman who wrought the victory…

Slowly her mind settled as she realised no matter how hard this was to do, no matter the consequences, this was the right thing – the only way to help her estranged people. Maybe God had brought Sisera here for this purpose – while her husband was away.

Quietly, stealthily, she picked up a peg and the hammer and crept back into the tent.

Sisera was still snoring.

Gingerly, she knelt and positioned the peg just above his exposed temple. She hoped she did this right. If she didn’t strike hard enough, or missed, she’d have to keep trying even if he woke and tried to fight her off.

She breathed a silent prayer, raised the hammer, and screwed her eyes shut as she brought it sharply down!

An Armoured Heart

Let’s look at how this story relates to our four tools for courage.

Vulnerability. Jael was extremely vulnerable. There is no record of any servant or her husband being there. She had to make the decision on her own, knowing the ramifications of breaking hospitality codes and her husband’s word.

Values. She knew where her loyalties lay, even though it meant breaking her husband’s treaty, and she was she prepared to act on it.

Trust. She trusted in her own ability to act, and she trusted in God and his prophecy, even though it was incredibly hard.

Reset. She didn’t know how many times she would need to use the hammer. She didn’t know if Sisera would wake up, or of she would have to fight. She was ready to keep trying till she accomplished the grisly task.

Jael showed she had the tools that build courage. But what gets in the way of courage? The research shows it’s not fear that gets in the way of courage – it’s armour. Just as Sisera wore his literal armour which, while seeming to protect, would also weigh him down; so we can wear metaphorical armour that gets in the way of us being open to courageous living.

What does an armoured heart look like? And what does a courageous heart look like? Armour is talking about people rather than to them. It’s resisting change and being driven by fear. It’s perfectionism and striving to appear important or useful. Armour is also fitting in, being a knower rather than a learner, and being critical of others.

Courage, on the other hand, is having difficult conversations with people. It’s embracing change and de-escalating fear. It’s also self-care and boundaries as well as being curious and willing to risk and learn new things.

In short, courage is being your authentic self.

When I was wearing a head covering, I was fitting in. I was allowing my fear of what others would think, or fear of their reactions, dictate what I did. I was allowing other people’s interpretations of scripture to drive my actions. Eventually I reached a point of needing to look into the subject for myself – and honesty with myself meant I needed to consider all interpretations I could find and weigh them up, not just those which reinforced the status quo.

I was learning to put my armour aside and be more authentic with myself. Bearing these things in mind, let’s move on to our second example.

The Woman

She stood quietly at the side of the room, her back against the cool stone wall, with the other dozen or so outcasts. They were here because they hoped for some scraps and leftovers from the rich feast on the table in the centre of the room. An act of charity, not unusual from those who had the money and the space – and the reputation to upkeep.

But she was here for another purpose.

The house belonged to such a rich man – a pharisee, who had invited the new Rabbi to hear his words and test him. Ever since she had first heard this Rabbi’s words, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” and ever since she had seen the tenderness with which he touched people, listening to them, healing them, accepting them – even people like her – she had wanted to show her gratitude.

She had asked around till she had discovered exactly where he would be and when. And then, clasping her little alabaster jar of oil, she had made sure to be here, for the right moment.

There was a flurry of male voices as Simon welcomed his guests – esteemed teachers – and Him. He looked alone. Somehow, in their body language Simon and the others were acting as if he wasn’t quite there, or as if he were an interloper. Her heart went out to him.

He hesitated just slightly when he failed to receive the customary greeting, then went and reclined at the table with the others.

The blessing was given and they began to eat.

Now, she thought, while they’re busy eating – now would be a good time. She shuffled forward and around to where His feet protruded behind him from under his tunic – and was shocked to see them dirty!

How could they?? This was her teacher, her saviour! He had given so much love for so many people, and this was how they treated him!??

She began to weep. Great gulping sobs at the horror of the disdain with which they had acted towards Rabbi Jesus. And as her tears fell on his feet and she watched the dust turn to mud, she had an idea. She would clean his feet with her tears.

She brought her face close to his feet, kissing them as the tears fell, and used her hands and tears to slough off the dirt. Once they were clean, she looked round for a towel, but there wasn’t one, so she uncovered her head and used her long hair to dry his feet, continuing to kiss them in her gratitude to him and sorrow at his treatment.

She barely heard the mutters of disgust from the other guests at her actions.

Carefully, she cracked open her jar, the tears still wet on her cheeks and began to massage the perfumed oil into the creases in his feet and between his toes, making sure she missed no part of skin.

Then she heard him speak.

“Simon,” he said, “I have something to say to you.”

“Go ahead, Teacher,” replied Simon.

“A man loaned money to two people – 500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other,” said Jesus, “but neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, cancelling their debts.”

Jesus leaned forward slightly as he continued, “Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

Simon glanced around as he reluctantly replied, “I suppose the one for whom he cancelled the larger debt.”

“That is right,” Jesus said. The woman concentrated on her task as she felt him turn towards her, and heard his voice. “Look at this woman kneeling here,” he said.

The other guests had tried to pretend she wasn’t there, but Jesus saw her – and not in a judgemental manner as Simon had.

Now Jesus’ voice turned sorrowful. “When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the first time I came in she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.”

The guests were in shock. Neglecting the courtesies to a guest was bad enough, but for a guest to point it out was utterly shocking. Simon’s face was frozen and red with embarrassment as Jesus continued.

“I tell you, her sins – which are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”

Her eyes rose to meet his as his hand gently rested on her shoulder, speaking directly to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

As the noise of muttering from the guests renewed, Jesus gently encouraged her, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

A Practice

Just like the woman, we don’t have to be perfect to be brave. We don’t have to be invulnerable. In fact those things get in the way and ultimately mean we sacrifice relationships and opportunities because we’re not willing to try or we’re waiting till things are ‘just right’.

Courage is a practice. It’s something you grow and improve in through practice, and through having good tools.

When I decided it was time for me to stop wearing a head covering, I went about it in unintentional stages, as my courage and conviction grew. I didn’t wait till circumstances were ‘just right’, but I was gradually able to be more open about my lack of head covering. Eventually, when we started meeting in person again, I was able to attend, without a head covering and be accepted by my brothers and sisters there with me. But there was some opposition and heartache on the journey.

Jesus, too, demonstrated courage in this story. Rather than keeping quiet in order to fit in, he was willing to speak up when others were only willing to complain. He took note of the ‘elephant in the room’ – the woman – and treated her with the utmost compassion and encouragement, drawing attention to her loving and courageous actions.

He noticed everything and missed nothing.

In his words to Simon, Jesus faced a difficult conversation with love and respect. Just as Jesus did for the woman, there were brothers and sisters who openly supported me as I tried to live into my values and follow my convictions, even if some of them didn’t have the same convictions. This, too, took courage.

Simon, on the other hand, had his armour up. He wasn’t prepared to be vulnerable and curious; he was more concerned with catching Jesus out and putting him down. His response to Jesus’ question was guarded. He didn’t want to commit himself and admit he was wrong.

The problem with living behind our armour, though, is that it limits our capacity to love and be loved. When our heart is armoured and hidden, then courage withers and suffocates.

Like the other guests at the dinner, sitting on the sidelines and offering criticism or advice is also a form of armour and hinders courage.

Unfortunately there were those in my head covering journey who decided I was a troublemaker or rebellious, yet were not willing to engage in meaningful, or in some cases, any discussion. From some, I received letters of condemnation. Others merely cut off all contact and refused to engage at all. Most of those brothers and sisters decided to break off from our ecclesia in order to start a new one. And while I wish them well, and pray they feel peace, the results of my attempts to reach out seem to say otherwise.

Armour hinders meaningful discussion and reconciliation. It can feel easier to hide behind it while throwing condemnation at others, but only by daring to show up and be seen, by braving the difficult conversation, starting the creative process, or the new relationship – in short, by being vulnerable – will we grow and expand and shine and fly.

I’ll finish with one last story.

Again, it’s a story of a woman. A woman who had already shown courage by coming to Jesus to be healed, and had then committed to following him and learning from him. She saw the infectious courage of Jesus and allowed it to change her.

This woman had been at the foot of the cross and borne witness as he died.

Now, three days after his crucifixion, in a culture which regarded the testimony of women as almost worthless, she is given the most important message of all.

Mary

She wandered through the garden, her back to the empty tomb. Her feet were aimless, her eyes red and sore from her tears, her heart heavy and feeling lost and despondent.

A noise caught her attention as she stared at the dark earth. A man. His feet in front of her.

She watched his feet, her eyes unfocused, as he gently asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? What are you seeking?”

She stared at the floor, trying to hide her swollen eyes. “Sir,” she said, “If you’ve carried him away, can you tell me and I’ll come and take him?”

In a voice filled with compassion, he said a single word.

“Mary.”

Her head shot up as she stared in astonishment. It was him!

“Teacher!”

Her feet moved of their own volition as she reached her arms to wrap tightly around him.

It was him! Her teacher, her Master and Rabbi, her friend, her redeemer, her Saviour.

The one who had shown such immense courage in going to a death of utter shame on the cross, and more. The one who had lived his life courageously, defying convention and standing up to bullies, to reach those outcast by society – by touching the unclean, by encouraging the timid, by comforting the broken-hearted and showing compassion even when he was struggling.

The one who lived his whole life in kindness, integrity, and justice, even when it was hard – especially when it was hard. She had never known someone so brave.

With a smile he gently unwound her arms from around him.

“You don’t need to cling to me, Mary,” he said, “I’m not going to my Father for a while yet.” He looked into her eyes as he told her, “Go to my brothers and sisters and tell them I am risen. Tell them I am going to my Father, who is their Father too. Tell them they are to go to Galilee and wait for me there.”

Would they even believe her? Listen to her? Obey her? Her, a woman? she thought.

It didn’t matter, she decided. For this man, the one who had done so much for her and so many others – who had shown her exactly what courage meant – this, this she could do.

She picked up her skirts and ran.

A Courageous Faith

Mary did what her society and culture frowned upon. As a woman, she bore witness to disbelieving disciples. Jesus asked her to step out of her comfort zone, and she willingly did so, because he had already shown her, throughout his life, what a courageous faith looked like.

While ever we stay in our comfort zone, we can’t be courageous – and we can’t grow.

Comfort zones are funny things. The longer you stay in them, the smaller they get. But there is so much reward in stepping outside of what is comfortable and practicing courage. Outside our comfort zone is the birthplace of creativity, love, relationship, innovation, joy, and empathy.

And one last thought: Courage is contagious.

So let’s step out of that comfortable nest, spread our wings of courage, and learn to fly.